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The Prodigal Cycle Part I: The War




Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them." Luke 15:11-12 NIV


Father

You give me that look

That steel-eyed glare

Filled with so much contempt and loathing

You despise what I say

You despise what I am

With each measured stare

You wish me dead.


Slay the morality

Annihilate the surety

Wipe-out all traces of love

Neutralize wisdom

Obliterate compassion

Let nothing be left but the war.


The battle between you and me

Has nothing to do with you and me

But more about what I represent.

So smother and suffocate

Dispatch all your hate

Crucify me on that tree

Along with the grace you try to outrun

But can never truly flee.



Son

You have never understood me

And you never will

This God of love you try to present

The truth you try to distill

Are just rules and regulations

Cruelly oppressing me

Squashing me

Why can’t you see?


I don’t need your God

He’s standing in my way

From living the life I want to live

The things I want to do and play

Life is all about pleasure

Live how you want

Seize the day.


If I want your God

I will come back to Him

When I’m good and ready

I’ll never learn by any other means

I have to experience the fire

To know I’ll get burned

I’ll never believe what you say.



Father

I feel it building

Growing deep withing

I know it will one day

Burst out of my skin

But I keep it buried

Deeply hidden

As the tension grows

The tipping point shows.


Can I release it

And not by it be destroyed?

Will it damage more than heal

If it I deploy?

Will I serve it or it serve me

If I this surfeit of emotion do employ?

As the tension grows

The tipping point shows.


Which is louder:

My silence or the scream?



Son

Give me, give me, give me

What I choose

And what I crave

I’ve got a longing

A hankering

An appetite that won’t satiate

I’ve got to gratify

Indulge

Revel in

Eat it up

Give me, give me, give me

And give it to me now.



Older Brother

Hatred

Hostility

Enmity

And scorn

Venom

Malice

Abhorring

And rancor

Burst

Gush

Cascade

And surge

Out of his heart’s reservoir

No idea to its origin

Inception

Or source

Just devastation

Desolation

And run left in its wake.



Father

The hardest duty

Of being a parent

Is knowing when to say yes

And when to say no.

The hardest task

Is not enabling desires

But releasing

And letting go.

The hardest job

Is walking the line

Between anger

And blame.

The hardest thing

Is when love doesn’t seem

Like love to you

But it is all the same.



Older Brother

The door are barred to my room

It’s not the first time

And it probably won’t be the last

To stop him

Prevent access

To the things he wants to seek out

In the shadows

In the dark of night

When he thinks eyes don’t see

Or he doesn’t care

Because while he’s made God his enemy

Father is the one he attacks

Assails

Abuses

And here I am

Behind my locked door

Praying for the war to end.



Father

Words and words

And more words

Hurled through the night

And the day

Angry words

Hurt words

Bitter words

Pleading words

These words

My weapon

Hoping they will pierce and penetrate

This hardened heart

Crack open the shell

Allow love and truth to invade

But they stumble

Falter

Fall down flat

And the rift between us grows.



Son

He’s rigid

Inflexible

Obstinate

Unyielding

Old-fashioned

Outdated

Obsolete

Passé

He refuses to change with the times

Go with the flow

Compromise

Parlay

I have tried

But he will not yield

Capitulate

Or succumb

He’s the one that’s impossible

Clinging to his antiquated religion

Impractical

Nonsensical

In his illogical integrity.



Father

They say to “train up a child”

And that’s precisely what I did

I’ve prayed for this child

Read Your Word to this child

Tried to show You in everything I did

We memorized Your Word

Sang worship song

Tried to be in church every Sunday

We served together

Were on mission together

Talked about You at the dinner table

Debated principles and systematic theology

Tried to show him the truth, the life, and the way

And now—what was it good for?

As he seeks to reject You

Screaming his repudiation to all

He said he once knew You

He said he once loved You

He said he answered Your call.

How did I so spectacularly fail

For this one to fall away?

He says it’s “his choice”

And while I know that’s true

What comfort does that leave me?

What sorrow does that assuage?



Son

I hate God

I hate God

I hate God, I do

I’m sick of His statutes

I resent all His rules

They are ridiculous and insipid

Archaic and undue

Detriments to my fun

And the life I want to pursue.


If God was really loving

He’d give me everything I want

Instead, He holds out on me

Tightens the noose

His commandments taunt

I’m done with Him

I’m done with Him

I’m done with Him, I am.


Do you hear me, God?

I don’t want You

I don’t need You

I’m gone.



Father

I recognize

You can never understand

That love can look like

Boundaries

Limits

Margins

Confines.

You view it as malice

Malevolence

Domination

And undue control.

You can’t imagine the agony

Deep ache

The crushing pain in my soul

As you run toward destruction

And your own downfall.



Older Brother

Morning, noontime, and night

The conflict rages

Ceaseless

Unyielding

Voices raised

Arguments swirling down

I do everything I can

To make the cacophony drown.


I am sick of it

Just let him leave

He’s not worth fighting for

Cast him out

Kick him out the door

He doesn’t care about us—

God—or our family

Bring an end to the pain

Just let him leave.



Father

There’s this word—anguish

It’s said to mean excruciating

Distress, suffering, or pain

Further on as a verb

To suffer, feel, or exhibit it.

How can this one word

Describe

Epitomize

Encapsulate

The heartache

The heart breaking

The fracturing

The shattering

Of everything?

I would die a hundred deaths

Battle monsters

Slay demons

Just to keep this from occurring.



Father

Father God, You’re asking me

To yield

To release

To surrender this one to You

The giving to You is a struggle

A battle

Pride says keep striving on my own

You say, “Trust me.”

Help me relinquish him

And consign him to Your compassionate care.



Son

This is what I am

This is who I am

And I am never going to change

Either you accept this

Or I’ll split

You’re better off to me dead than alive

Give me the money

I’m through with you

You’ve lost—just admit it.


Father

You’ll have your money in three days

Then you can be on your way.

You can leave

Go and do whatever you want

I’ll pray for you while you’re away

Give me just a second

One last thing I must say

No matter what you think

No matter what you deem to be true

I will always love

And keep the light on for you.



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