Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he divided his property between them." Luke 15:11-12 NIV
Father
You give me that look
That steel-eyed glare
Filled with so much contempt and loathing
You despise what I say
You despise what I am
With each measured stare
You wish me dead.
Slay the morality
Annihilate the surety
Wipe-out all traces of love
Neutralize wisdom
Obliterate compassion
Let nothing be left but the war.
The battle between you and me
Has nothing to do with you and me
But more about what I represent.
So smother and suffocate
Dispatch all your hate
Crucify me on that tree
Along with the grace you try to outrun
But can never truly flee.
Son
You have never understood me
And you never will
This God of love you try to present
The truth you try to distill
Are just rules and regulations
Cruelly oppressing me
Squashing me
Why can’t you see?
I don’t need your God
He’s standing in my way
From living the life I want to live
The things I want to do and play
Life is all about pleasure
Live how you want
Seize the day.
If I want your God
I will come back to Him
When I’m good and ready
I’ll never learn by any other means
I have to experience the fire
To know I’ll get burned
I’ll never believe what you say.
Father
I feel it building
Growing deep withing
I know it will one day
Burst out of my skin
But I keep it buried
Deeply hidden
As the tension grows
The tipping point shows.
Can I release it
And not by it be destroyed?
Will it damage more than heal
If it I deploy?
Will I serve it or it serve me
If I this surfeit of emotion do employ?
As the tension grows
The tipping point shows.
Which is louder:
My silence or the scream?
Son
Give me, give me, give me
What I choose
And what I crave
I’ve got a longing
A hankering
An appetite that won’t satiate
I’ve got to gratify
Indulge
Revel in
Eat it up
Give me, give me, give me
And give it to me now.
Older Brother
Hatred
Hostility
Enmity
And scorn
Venom
Malice
Abhorring
And rancor
Burst
Gush
Cascade
And surge
Out of his heart’s reservoir
No idea to its origin
Inception
Or source
Just devastation
Desolation
And run left in its wake.
Father
The hardest duty
Of being a parent
Is knowing when to say yes
And when to say no.
The hardest task
Is not enabling desires
But releasing
And letting go.
The hardest job
Is walking the line
Between anger
And blame.
The hardest thing
Is when love doesn’t seem
Like love to you
But it is all the same.
Older Brother
The door are barred to my room
It’s not the first time
And it probably won’t be the last
To stop him
Prevent access
To the things he wants to seek out
In the shadows
In the dark of night
When he thinks eyes don’t see
Or he doesn’t care
Because while he’s made God his enemy
Father is the one he attacks
Assails
Abuses
And here I am
Behind my locked door
Praying for the war to end.
Father
Words and words
And more words
Hurled through the night
And the day
Angry words
Hurt words
Bitter words
Pleading words
These words
My weapon
Hoping they will pierce and penetrate
This hardened heart
Crack open the shell
Allow love and truth to invade
But they stumble
Falter
Fall down flat
And the rift between us grows.
Son
He’s rigid
Inflexible
Obstinate
Unyielding
Old-fashioned
Outdated
Obsolete
Passé
He refuses to change with the times
Go with the flow
Compromise
Parlay
I have tried
But he will not yield
Capitulate
Or succumb
He’s the one that’s impossible
Clinging to his antiquated religion
Impractical
Nonsensical
In his illogical integrity.
Father
They say to “train up a child”
And that’s precisely what I did
I’ve prayed for this child
Read Your Word to this child
Tried to show You in everything I did
We memorized Your Word
Sang worship song
Tried to be in church every Sunday
We served together
Were on mission together
Talked about You at the dinner table
Debated principles and systematic theology
Tried to show him the truth, the life, and the way
And now—what was it good for?
As he seeks to reject You
Screaming his repudiation to all
He said he once knew You
He said he once loved You
He said he answered Your call.
How did I so spectacularly fail
For this one to fall away?
He says it’s “his choice”
And while I know that’s true
What comfort does that leave me?
What sorrow does that assuage?
Son
I hate God
I hate God
I hate God, I do
I’m sick of His statutes
I resent all His rules
They are ridiculous and insipid
Archaic and undue
Detriments to my fun
And the life I want to pursue.
If God was really loving
He’d give me everything I want
Instead, He holds out on me
Tightens the noose
His commandments taunt
I’m done with Him
I’m done with Him
I’m done with Him, I am.
Do you hear me, God?
I don’t want You
I don’t need You
I’m gone.
Father
I recognize
You can never understand
That love can look like
Boundaries
Limits
Margins
Confines.
You view it as malice
Malevolence
Domination
And undue control.
You can’t imagine the agony
Deep ache
The crushing pain in my soul
As you run toward destruction
And your own downfall.
Older Brother
Morning, noontime, and night
The conflict rages
Ceaseless
Unyielding
Voices raised
Arguments swirling down
I do everything I can
To make the cacophony drown.
I am sick of it
Just let him leave
He’s not worth fighting for
Cast him out
Kick him out the door
He doesn’t care about us—
God—or our family
Bring an end to the pain
Just let him leave.
Father
There’s this word—anguish
It’s said to mean excruciating
Distress, suffering, or pain
Further on as a verb
To suffer, feel, or exhibit it.
How can this one word
Describe
Epitomize
Encapsulate
The heartache
The heart breaking
The fracturing
The shattering
Of everything?
I would die a hundred deaths
Battle monsters
Slay demons
Just to keep this from occurring.
Father
Father God, You’re asking me
To yield
To release
To surrender this one to You
The giving to You is a struggle
A battle
Pride says keep striving on my own
You say, “Trust me.”
Help me relinquish him
And consign him to Your compassionate care.
Son
This is what I am
This is who I am
And I am never going to change
Either you accept this
Or I’ll split
You’re better off to me dead than alive
Give me the money
I’m through with you
You’ve lost—just admit it.
Father
You’ll have your money in three days
Then you can be on your way.
You can leave
Go and do whatever you want
I’ll pray for you while you’re away
Give me just a second
One last thing I must say
No matter what you think
No matter what you deem to be true
I will always love
And keep the light on for you.